And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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