You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
