Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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