We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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