What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
