i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
