names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
did i just pee glitter
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
