at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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