I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
