I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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