Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
