I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
