My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
either way he was missing a nipple.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
