I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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