It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
