In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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