Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize