We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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