Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
