I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
