why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Welp...herpes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
