god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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