i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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