I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
