you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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