Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
