i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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