There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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