I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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