know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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