if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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