Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
