So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
