thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
