It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
