No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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