Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
