i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
