tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize