Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize