so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
