Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
