I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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