He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
