so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
