I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
