I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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