Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
