Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
