I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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