TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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