I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
