goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
