The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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