My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
