Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
