is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
