The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's always time for handjobs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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