I think my fart just growled at me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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