I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
