Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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